The Complexities of Modern Dating: Ghosting
In the digital age, dating has become more complex than ever before. While technology has made it easier to connect with potential partners, it has also given rise to unhealthy dating behaviors. One such behavior that has become increasingly common is "breadcrumbing." Alongside ghosting, orbiting, and benching, breadcrumbing is one of the many toxic dating trends that leave individuals feeling confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained (Timmermans et al., 2021).
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting occurs when someone suddenly and completely cuts off communication with another person without explanation. This can happen after a few conversations, several dates, or even in long-term relationships. The ghoster disappears without a trace, leaving the other person wondering what went wrong. With the rise of dating apps and social media, ghosting has become an easy escape for those who want to end relationships without confrontation. Studies estimate that 51% to 65% of young adults have ghosted a romantic partner or interest, whereas 45% to 72% have been ghosted themselves (Freedman, 2022).
Why Do People Ghost?
There are several psychological and social reasons why people engage in ghosting:
Avoidance of Confrontation: Many people fear difficult conversations and choose to disappear rather than explain their feelings honestly. Ghosting allows them to avoid the discomfort of a face-to-face breakup (Freedman, 2022).
Fear of Hurting Feelings: Some ghosters believe that cutting off contact is kinder than telling someone they are no longer interested. They perceive ghosting as a way to avoid causing direct emotional pain (Navarro, Larrañaga, Yubero, & Víllora, 2020).
Overwhelming Dating Options: The abundance of choices in online dating makes it easier to discard one person in favor of another without considering the emotional impact. This "grass is greener" mentality can lead to a lack of commitment and increased likelihood of ghosting (LeFebvre et al., 2019).
Lack of Emotional Maturity: Ghosting often stems from an inability to handle emotional responsibility and communicate effectively. Individuals with stronger destiny beliefs, who see relationships as either meant to be or not, are more likely to ghost (Freedman, 2022).
Personal Issues: Sometimes, ghosting is not about the person being ghosted but rather about the ghoster dealing with personal struggles, anxiety, or commitment issues. They may use ghosting as a coping mechanism to avoid addressing their own problems (Navarro, Larrañaga, Yubero, & Víllora, 2020).
The Emotional Impact of Ghosting
Being ghosted can be deeply hurtful and lead to feelings of rejection, confusion, and self-doubt. Unlike a clear breakup, ghosting leaves the person without closure, which can cause them to replay interactions in their mind, searching for answers. The lack of communication can lead to anxiety, damage self-esteem, and make it harder to trust future partners. Research indicates that ghosting is considered one of the most hurtful ways to end a relationship, as it can cause feelings of ostracism and exclusion (LeFebvre et al., 2019).
How to Recognize and Deal with Ghosting
If you suspect someone is ghosting you, consider the following signs:
They suddenly stop responding to your messages and calls without explanation.
They remain active on social media but ignore direct communication.
They make excuses for not meeting up and eventually disappear completely.
You feel a sense of uncertainty and are left wondering if you did something wrong
To protect yourself from the emotional toll of ghosting, here are some proactive steps:
Don’t Take It Personally: Ghosting is often more about the ghoster’s inability to communicate than about your worth. Understanding that their actions reflect their own issues can help mitigate self-blame (Navarro, Larrañaga, Yubero, & Víllora, 2020).
Seek Closure on Your Own: If someone disappears, focus on accepting that their actions say more about them than about you. Engage in self-reflection and find closure within yourself (Freedman, 2022).
Avoid Reaching Out Repeatedly: If someone has chosen to ghost, chasing them for answers is unlikely to bring resolution. Respect their decision to disengage and redirect your energy elsewhere (LeFebvre et al., 2019).
Prioritize Emotional Well-being: Surround yourself with supportive friends and engage in self-care activities to rebuild confidence. Participating in hobbies and interests can also provide a positive distraction (Freedman, 2022).
Recognize Red Flags Early: If someone shows inconsistency in communication or avoids deeper emotional conversations, they may be prone to ghosting. Trust your instincts and set boundaries accordingly (Navarro, Larrañaga, Yubero, & Víllora, 2020).
Modern dating, while full of opportunities, also comes with challenges. Recognizing toxic behaviors like ghosting, breadcrumbing, orbiting, benching, and love bombing can help individuals navigate the dating world with more confidence and emotional awareness. By setting boundaries and prioritizing self-respect, people can avoid falling into the traps of these harmful trends and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
References
Freedman, G. (2022). Ghosting: The psychology behind disappearing acts in modern dating. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(4), 678-692.
Navarro, R., Larrañaga, E., Yubero, S., & Víllora, B. (2020). Psychological correlates of ghosting and breadcrumbing experiences: A preliminary study among adults. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 17(3), 1116.
LeFebvre, L., Allen, M., & Wang, B. (2019). Ghosting and breadcrumbing: Relationship dissolution in the digital age. Computers in Human Behavior, 90, 160-168.
About the Author: Wayne J. Woznikaitis is a freelance writer and Clinical Mental Health Counselor working in private practice in Pennsylvania. He has been working in social services for nearly 30 years. He has worked with a wide variety of clients in various settings (inpatient, outpatient, in-home, private practice, academic, and residential treatment) and aims to help individuals experiencing a variety of challenges to improve the quality of their lives.