The Complexities of Modern Dating: Understanding Breadcrumbing
In the digital age, dating has become more complex than ever before. While technology has made it easier to connect with potential partners, it has also given rise to unhealthy dating behaviors. One such behavior that has become increasingly common is "breadcrumbing." Alongside ghosting, orbiting, and benching, breadcrumbing is one of the many toxic dating trends that leave individuals feeling confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained (Timmermans et al., 2021).
What Is Breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing occurs when someone leads another person on with flirtatious messages, sporadic attention, and false hope, despite having no real intention of committing or deepening the relationship. These "breadcrumbs"—small gestures of interest—keep the recipient emotionally invested while the breadcrumber enjoys the attention without making an effort to truly connect. This behavior is especially prevalent in online dating, where access to endless potential matches enables people to maintain multiple superficial connections with minimal investment (Navarro et al., 2020).
Why Do People Breadcrumb?
There are several psychological and social reasons why people engage in breadcrumbing:
Ego Boost: Some individuals breadcrumb to maintain a sense of desirability and validation from others without reciprocating genuine interest (Navarro et al., 2020).
Fear of Commitment: They may be hesitant to commit but still want to keep their options open, ensuring they always have someone available (Gupta & Sharma, 2023).
Boredom or Loneliness: People may engage in breadcrumbing simply to alleviate boredom or loneliness without considering the emotional impact on the other person (Timmermans et al., 2021).
Insecurity: Some individuals may breadcrumb due to their own insecurities, seeking constant reassurance from multiple sources (Navarro et al., 2020).
The Emotional Impact of Breadcrumbing
Being breadcrumbed can take a serious emotional toll. It creates a cycle of hope and disappointment, leading to anxiety, low self-esteem, and even trust issues. The unpredictability of receiving attention followed by periods of silence can make individuals question their worth and blame themselves for the lack of progression in the relationship (Navarro et al., 2020). Research suggests that breadcrumbing can contribute to feelings of rejection and emotional distress, impacting long-term relationship satisfaction and self-perception (Navarro et al., 2020).
How to Recognize and Deal With Breadcrumbing
If you suspect someone is breadcrumbing you, consider the following signs:
They rarely initiate plans but occasionally send flirtatious messages.
Their communication is inconsistent and lacks depth.
They avoid serious conversations about commitment or the future.
You feel like you're constantly seeking validation or clarity from them.
To protect yourself from breadcrumbing, here are some proactive steps:
Set Clear Boundaries: If someone is not showing consistent interest, don’t be afraid to call it out and express your expectations (Navarro et al., 2020).
Don’t Settle for Less: If you find yourself feeling unfulfilled, remind yourself that you deserve genuine effort and commitment (Gupta & Sharma, 2023).
Avoid Playing Along: If someone is stringing you along without any real intention, disengage and focus on people who offer meaningful connections (Timmermans et al., 2021).
Prioritize Self-Worth: Understand that being breadcrumbed is a reflection of the other person’s behavior, not your value (Navarro et al., 2020).
Conclusion
Modern dating, while full of opportunities, also comes with challenges. Recognizing toxic behaviors like breadcrumbing, ghosting, orbiting, benching, and love bombing can help individuals navigate the dating world with more confidence and emotional awareness. By setting boundaries and prioritizing self-respect, people can avoid falling into the traps of these harmful trends and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
References
Gupta, P., & Sharma, P. (2023). Young Adults' Perception of Breadcrumbing Victimization in Dating: A Qualitative Study. Societies, 13(2), 41. https://www.mdpi.com/2075-4698/13/2/41
Navarro, R., Larrañaga, E., Yubero, S., & Víllora, B. (2020). Psychological Correlates of Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Experiences: A Preliminary Study among Adults. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 17(3), 1116. https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/17/3/1116
Timmermans, E., & Courtois, C. (2020). Gone with the Wind: Exploring Mobile Daters' Ghosting Experiences. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(9), 2601-2622. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407520970287
About the Author: Wayne J. Woznikaitis is a freelance writer and Clinical Mental Health Counselor working in private practice in Pennsylvania. He has been working in social services for nearly 30 years. He has worked with a wide variety of clients in various settings (inpatient, outpatient, in-home, private practice, academic, and residential treatment) and aims to help individuals experiencing a variety of challenges to improve the quality of their lives.